Hi

It has been long time since the last time I wrote a note on this blog. Anyways, so far everything was good, nothing special was happened. But now, I am struggling to finish my study in the end of this year.

Talking about study, I was thinking about what I am gonna do after this. It is still confused me. I have some planning such as looking for job? make my own business? marry?

Looking for job is not my priority. It is just another option when I can't make my own business. The job that become my target is, of course, English teacher. Because it is in line to my major. Related to English teacher, there is one program which is looking for teachers to be send out to remote areas. I want to apply to that program in the mid of next year. I am not really sure but I have to try.

Make own business is one of my goals. I am a person who dont want to be strictly disiplined by the role of a company or an institution. But it doesnt mean that i can't disipline. Simply just want to be free of the role. If I have my own business I will have my own role. I can do everthing that I like. By the way, I also dont really like to be given an order by people. So, to solve it, I have to become the one who giving an order. In addition, I am happy when thinking I am as a boss. According to Bob Sadino "No matter how small is your business, you are a boss in your company, and no matter how good is your position in a company, you are still an employee".

About married, I dont want to marry soon. Because many things that I have not reach yet. I dont want to regret someday if I marry too early. But there is also an exception for me to change my decision. I will marry soon if somene who proposed me is he, someone from my past. ;)

Our first and Could be the Last Photos :(

Hallo sahabat…howya doing??

Nih, Saya mau cerita tentang kegiatan saya hari ini. Gak semua sih. Salah satunya aja. Tadi saya and classmate pergi ke tempat foto studio di Jl. Gajah Mada situ. Kita mau fto kelas. Untuk kenangan nanti di hari tua hehe. Soalnya ini semester terakhir kita belajar dikelas and ngumpul sama2, sebelum nanti dipulangkan ke daerah masing2 ngelaksanain PPL. Trus habis PPL kita pasti sibuk sma skripsi masing2. So, this is our last togetherness in the class. Huhu sooo sis, eh soo sad maksudnya.

Sebelum itu kita diskusi dulu tuh. Maunya hari apa, dimana, pakai baju apa, jam berapa, bayarnya berapa de el el. Diskusi ini menghabiskan waktu sekitar beberapa minggu (kalo gak salah). Soalnya anak2 dikelas susah bget mau di ajak kompak, yg satu maunya ini, yg lain maunya itu dan yg lainnya lagi ngikut2 doang (masih mending).

Dan setelah melalui diskusi panjang akhirnya kita memutuskan pakai baju batik kampus. Biar seragam gitu. Kerudung hitam bagi yg pki jilbab. Bawahan (rok/celana) hitam. Tapi ada beberapa sih yg slh dress kode (termasuk saya hihi). Kita janjian jam 3 sore. Ya iya lah masa 3 subuh. Kita langsung pergi ke lokasi tujuan.

Sesampainya saya dilokasi, saya liat baru ada beberapa hidung yg kelihatan. Padahal saya kira saya yg paling terlambat soalnya tadi wktu brngkat dri rmh udah jam 2.50an gtuu. Tau2nya ad yg lbih terlambat. (Ralat, bukan ada tpi bnyk). Tunggu punya tnggu trnyata mereka molor smpai 1 jam (Indonesian people bnget deh). Gila kan. Kita jadi basi, trus bulukan deh tuh muka kita yg nggu. Padahal dri rumah udah cntik2 gnteng2. Trus gara2 nunggu lama dlm kondisi cuaca panas, hati panas, mulut monyong cantiknya gantengnya ilang. Ya kalo mau telat kira2 dong, masa kita nunggu 1jam hanya untuk di jepret (red: poto) beberapa kali doang.

Pas udah dtng semua and tiba waktunya untuk berpose, senyum pun muncul lagi. Ya biasa lah efek ktmu kamera.

Selesai jeprat-jepret kita pulang. Tapi saya sih enggak. Saya mau liat hasil phtonya dlu yg mau di edit+print. Ternyata hasilnyaaaaaa….. masyaAllah….cantik2….hehehehhe.  yg cwok jga?? Gak dong, msa yg cwok cntik, mreka bukan cantik tapi feminim hihihi gak ding, becanda, mrka ganteng2 doong.

Nah sampai disitu lah ceritanya. Intinya hri ini happy bisa fto bareng2 kyak gitu tapi ada juga sedihnya. Rasanya itulah hari terakhir kita sama2. Huhu so saad. Ya walaupun sebenarnya kita sekelas gak akrab2 bget sih tpi ttep aja sedih ya kan.

Oh iya, tdi ada beberapa org yg gak ikut, gak tau knpa tpi syang skli rsanya klo gak ikut, apalagi ini kan foto sama2 kita yg pertama and mungkin could be the last.

Definitely I''ll miss you in the future guys, our togetherness, our momen when we are studying and every single others moment we done together. Good bye ;(

Sad of myself

Sad of myself

I don’t understand what happiness is

And how to get it

I tried to make myself happy

By doing anything I want to do

Don’t care what other people say

They don’t know who I am

They can only judge me, say I am lazy girl, I am weak girl

Without understand what I feel

Sad of myself

I keep it in the deep of my heart

Never going to let them know

Like they who don’t want to know

I take myself out of the world

never let anyone else come to my life, again

I am tired can’t being myself

They demand me to do what they do

They always try me to become someone who they expecting

They did not try to understand what I feel

And now,

I am alone, no one beside me

Every day, every time, every second

I just look like zombie

Have no feeling, no target, no willing, hoping

I am dead soul

Walking in the dark of life

Happiness,

Guess what, I’ve tried everything to be with you

I got you but only for a moment

You leave me,

I try again, I got you, and again, you leave me

I wonder, why happiness not lasting

I lost in my way

I am alone, I am tired, I am lonely, I have no one (by Sari Edellwais)

My life 

Lonely life

Lonely mind

Lonely heart

Lonely sit

Lonely fun

Lonely work,

Lonely talk,

Lonely thoughts,

Lonely death,

Lonely walk,

Lonely run,

Lonely friend,

Lonely crying,

Lonely recess,

Lonely eat,

Lonely sick,

Lonely burning,

Lonely loneliness...

Lonely dies… (red colour: poem by Siawash Rustami)